"I was hurt by love, but I was consoled by love…
I let go because of love, but I still hold on to love…
I cannot understand love, yet I know how to love…
It is hard to love, but I still choose to love…
I was lost in love, yet love leads me to love greater…
I have faith in love, for it never fails…"
Have fun at Bora babe… love you…
I know i’ve on hiatus for about a month or so… just made some major life-altering decisions (not to mention being hospitalized for a week… my 1st time and it sucked…) and it’s been quite one bloody hell of a rollercoaster ride… just needed to focus on it for a while… anyway, so here’s what’s up… imagine a series of events that usually takes about a year or so to happen for most people, unfolding right
in front of you in just barely one month… like everything’s playing in fast
forward… and I’m moving at such a fast speed that everything around
me seems to appear blurry, but i didn’t care coz i’m just fuckin
enjoyin the ride… i’m feeling mixed emotions… it’s been really fun yet scary at the same time… but heck, i was loving every minute of it…
now i’m
getting a bit queasy… i dunno… maybe i’ve been so constant for the past 3 years… so i guess i’m not used to this kind of rush
anymore…
a lot has changed in me over those
3 years.. specially during the latter part of it… i guess i was just suppressing (or denying) them… but now they’re becoming more apparent as i deal with
new people… maybe they were already innate in me, but there was no
way i could express them at the time coz im such a stubborn little prick… i
dunno… but all i know now is that i’m thinking why am i like this?! i’m not like this!!! this isn’t me!!! so i don’t really know yet if the change is good or bad… but definitely i’m not comfortable with it… well, not yet at least… everything happened soooo fast, it’s gonna take some getting used to… and i think i got sick because of of all the stress too… weird thing is, they found nothing wrong with me… i was just in pain…
i
know i’m being really vague here.. but for now, i just like to keep
everything a mystery… i just want to vent… i’m just really overwhelmed… all i know is right now, i’ve never felt so conscious… so clingy… and so intimidated by someone… this is just so not me…
but i have to admit, i like where i am right now… i feel like for the first time, i wasn’t left hanging no more, like everything’s crystal clear… no middle grounds, no gray area… just pure certainty in knowing where i stand… and that’s good enough for me…
a friend of mine texted me this quote before… i dunno why i kept it all this time… i guess now i realize it might be true…
We can never be happy with something that was wrong…
but if somewhere along the way what was wrong has made us happy…
then it must have been right all along…
im quite happy right now, so does that mean i made the right decision? hmm… interesting… but for the meantime, i’m still hoping for the best…
