Nostalgia
Monday, February 27th, 2006I dunno if my body clock has become well-adjusted to my 3pm-12am schedule, or
if I have been thinking too much again, coz lately I have been having trouble
sleeping. When I get home from work, I would watch tv for hours, and after a few
episodes of Friends or House, I’d just lie in my bed awake, listen to music, or
play pool on my phone just to get me preoccupied and sleepy… until the next
thing I knew, the sun’s already up and I have to go to work in a few hours.
It’s so frustrating… I end up waking tired and lazy.
The other
night was the worst. It was like my mind was in a train that won’t stop on its
tracks… it just kept on traveling through time… and I kept seeing different
visions from my past. It was so bad, I decided to through my old stuff, just to
indulge my brain to get it to finally stop… My old stuff.. Yeah, I’m one of
those sentimental fools who keeps a stash of trivial things which I managed to
collect over the years. Notes, letters, diaries, pictures, and yes, even
chocolate wrappers… you name it! Yep, a lot of junk there.. but for me,
they’re my treasure. And as I was going through them one by one… God, I felt a
flood of nostalgia rushing through my brain… I dunno whether to laugh or
cry.
As I went through some picutres, I found an ID picture of me taken
when I was, I think, 1st year highschool. My hair was short, eyebrows weren’t
plucked yet, and I had braces on. I looked like.. a friggin boy! *lol* and I
looked myself in a mirror, and saw a different face… no wonder people from
highschool that I bump into do not recognize me anymore.
My, how things
change…
Then I found letters from bestfriends and cousins who I
religiously write to before, but I seldom correspond with now even with the
convenience of mobile phones and the Internet.. I wondered why and how we
stopped getting in touch… but I don’t remember anymore. Then again, maybe
that’s just how things are. I decided that someday I’ll try to contact or meet
each one of them. I dunno, I guess somehow I missed them… or I missed what
used to be.
My, how things change…
And of course, the hardest
part of reminiscing is to be reminded of old relationships… this is inevitable
when digging up lost memories that you thought you have buried in their
respective graves. The feeling is inexplicable… You’d somehow wish you caught
amnesia, just like those pathetic soap opera characters that your mom or
househelp watch in the afternoons. You’d find yourself smiling while at the same time salt starts bulding up in the corners of your eyes. It’s crazy!
And as I continue rummaging through my stuff, I kept
thinking what would it be like to be stuck in one moment and things didn’t
change.. I know things then are not going to be how it is right now, but the
question is, would I be happier then as I am happy today? Oh well, no sense
asking that now.. that’s just one of life’s mysteries that I just have to live
with. God.. so many memories… why do they have to be so taunting? *sigh*
They say change is good.. And boy oh boy, how things do change…
But
sometimes, I wish some things didn’t have to…
