Simple kind of life…

Hmm.. I just realized that my friends list is almost full (again)… and browsing through it, i found some people (again) who I have no idea who they are or what they are like… simply because they added me and i accepted.. but never heard anything from them EVER… so i guess it’s time for some "general cleaning" for me here (again)… *sigh*

Forgive my bitching *heads up guys!!!*.. I mean it’s nice to have lots and lots of friends and all… but admit it.. you don’t get to talk to all 500++ of them… So i don’t really understand why other people add up "friends" but never really talk to them… or have 2 or more accounts here, yet most of the "friends" they have they actually haven’t really met or at least talked to yet (not even one simple "hi" message)… and my biggest pet peeves are those guys who add all these girls in their friends list, sending messages like

"hey cutie… you look so hot!!! add me up. XXX@XXX.com"

WTF!!! like this will make them look good *ugh!!!!* puhleez! this makes you look more like pervs!!! people will like you for who you are.. not for the flattery you can give them… can’t you guys write something interesting for once?! other than "you’re cute.. you’re hot.. i like you, dollface" and other shit like that… come on ladies… give yourselves some credit!!! you know better than that… don’t fall for those pathetic losers!!! having thousands of friends doesn’t make you look popular and friendly.. it makes you look like a histrionic little prick… Get your ass off that computer chair and try going out more!!!

well, not unless you’re a celebrity… or you use this for networking, or for some sort of business-related stuff… that i would understand… but friends??? oh come on!!!

Yeah.. yeah.. I’m just ranting.. sure i’m outgoing too and all.. i love making friends as much as others do.. and i am a very social person.. but i’m one who can be picky at times when it comes to that.. experience has taught me well.. i actually just have a handful of really close ones.. not that i’m a snob.. i mean i’m sure i’m not just speaking for myself.. the people i have here are those that at one point or another have become part of my life.. old schoolmates, childhood friends, acquaintances, friends of friends, coworkers, relatives, online friends, as well as my real friends (hell, some are not even here).. I too am guilty for not having to really communicate with them (im sorry!).. but at least i know them personally, or at least at one point i got to talk to them or mingle with them.. and i add them up here to let them know that i acknowledge and appreciate their presence in my life… and maybe to remind me of that too…

ok, now i’m being dramatic… what can you expect from a self-confessed drama queen :p well, back to bitching… i’m not generalizing.. it’s just that, i find no sense in what these people do… no offense… i know it’s none of my business… but this is a free country.. and i’m just spilling out my two cents here.. so it’s none of your business too!!! LOL! so to those people.. ok.. ok.. to those guys.. who added me up before and found you got one less friend in your list… sorry.. but i don’t know you at all… and you never sent any message.. it’s hard enough to keep track of real friends.. so i’m just saving myself some trouble and deleted you from my account… i don’t like it when people get hurt when they IM me and I ask them who they are.. like i said.. it’s hard to keep track of friends.. plus, i can be forgetful sometimes.. and to those who want to add me up.. when you say you wanted to be friends… MEAN IT! and please.. say something interesting? or even better.. please say something smart… please? please? oh please!!!

whew!!! sorry… i was sick some few days ago (and i think i’m still down with something).. and i hate it when i get sick… it makes me antsy and somewhat neurotic… please bear with me :p

to my FRIENDS… i love you guys!!!

… love mo na nga ba talaga??? hmm… mukha nga… :p

Love vs. Infatuation

Infatuation is instant desire,
one set of glands calling to another.
Love is friendship that has caught fire.
It takes root and grows,
one day at a time.

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity.
You are excited and eager, but not genuinely happy.
There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions,
little bits pieces about your beloved
that you would just as soon examine too closely.
It might spoil the dream.
Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection.
It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you, to bolster your beloved.
You are warmed by his presence,even when he is away.
Miles do not separate you. You want him near; but near or far,
you know he is yours and you can wait.

Infatuation says,"We must get married right away.
I can’t risk losing him."
Love says, "Be patient. He is yours. Plan your future with confidence."

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. Whenever you are in one another’s company you are hoping it will end in intimacy.
Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation lacks confidence. When he’s away, you wonder if he’s cheating.
Sometimes you check.
Love means trust. You are calm, secure, and unthreatened. He feels your trust and it makes him even more trustworthy.

Infatuation might lead you to do things you’ll regret later, but love never will.
Love lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before.

It might not be the ideal relationship, <especially being open at that…> but somehow, we manage. Thank god for the Internet and modern technology. Poetry and love letters are delivered with the touch of a button. Much to the chagrin of our overpriced long distance phone service providers, he and I have spent countless hours together in chat rooms, talking, dreaming, laughing, weeping and simply enjoying each other’s company. We gaze at each other eyes through the thick monitor screen, trying hard to imagine that we’re just sitting across each other. We catch ourselves tracing the outline of each other’s faces with our fingertips. And sometimes it works; for a few fleeting moments, we transcend the barrier of time and space and we can almost feel each other’s touch. Pathetic I know, but in long distance relationships, it doesn’t hurt if you use your imagination.

Don’t get me wrong; if I make it sound so easy, I may have been negligent. They say that long distance relationships are hard, but that’s a major understatement. I find little solace in settling for a phone call when what I really need is to be held in his arms. However I cannot bear the thought of trading him for someone with a pair of arms at close proximity. So coping sometimes means mustering up the inner strength to rely on during tough times, when what I’d really like to muster up is an all out temper tantrum. There are days when I just want to scream in frustration when his dial-up server is not working, when our different time zones finally catches up with us and he’s already sleeping when I give him a call or vice versa. It means resigning to the fact that on Christmases, New years, birthdays and valentines, my arms will be empty. It means appreciating his eagerness and availability to support me even when it can’t be in a personal a manner as I wish. And it’s taking comfort in the knowledge that those arms would’ve willingly held me during my rough time if only he’s by my side.

Nights are always difficult though. I run out of things to do, there’s nothing left but the cold, the longing, the thoughts running through my mind, driving me crazy. But thank god for the darkness, at least no one can see the tears. I close my eyes and silently pray for slumber to mercifully take over, but like the shadows, the loneliness comes creeping in, a thief in the night, stealing my slumber. And then the memories flood my mind, memories of him holding my hand, our first kiss, snuggling close to him. And I begin to miss him so damn much. I long for him, oh how I long for him. I hug my pillow… and try to imagine that its him I’m holding in my arms. But it’s still not enough; its not always enough.

I miss the simple things, the way he makes me laugh, the texture of his skin, the sound of his voice, <his tight hugs and familiar scent… I miss our walks at Ortigas center and talks over Starbucks emerald…> I also miss the more important things, the way he makes me feel like a princess, so special and loved, his kindness, his patience when <I’m bitching>, his gentleness, the laughter, the late-night talks deep into the night.

In the meantime we cope–with the tears, the incredibly lonely days, the soaring phone bills We compromise, we sacrifice, we become masters of creative scheduling by accepting the fact that we not only live on different continents, but on different time zones. We maximize our time together and try to minimize the frustrations that come with being a couple yet living world’s apart. We try not to look (too much) at other couples holding hands, couples kissing, couples looking at each other with goofy expressions on their faces, and instead imagine that we’re going to see each other soon, like at the end of the day, I’ll miraculously find him waiting for me at home. We place our faith in our love and in the hope that the years would fly by and we would be together again.

~ KR ~

Happy birthday sweetie… i love you…