Simple kind of life…

My life has been a series of ups and downs… and for the last couple of years, it had been more in the downslopes… especially recently, fighting some issues that i have yet brought again to myself… to add to the already big number of concerns that i have been dealing with… *sheesh colleen, when will you stop getting yourself into a mess?!?!? sigh...* it’s been an overwhelming ride, and i came to a point that i broke down… well, several times i did… it’s tiring, and i cannot get used to it… yet i cannot get over it…

Until last night…

"I am thankful that loving becomes easier every day of my life."

My new mantra… I got it from a psychic that read my future for me last night… he said, this is me… this is the person that i am… and i have to admit… he is right on the money…

Last night I went to work feeling down and out… not even the standup comedy clips of my officemate could make me smile, while beside me i can see Miray dying of laughter… *sigh*  then i remembered about this psychic festival here in Eastwood… so i went to this thing to try out "seeing to my future", just for the heck of it… note, however, that i NEVER really tried consulting to a psychic before to look into my future (this makes it my first time then)… nor do i take those horoscopes in the daily newspapers, or here in friendster for that matter, seriously… coz i’m the type of person who believes that we make our own destiny… however, i’m also the type of person who never closes her door to trying out new things… so I went for it…

in the end, i guess i’m glad i did try it out… it has been a good experience… "enlightening", i guess I could put it that way… not because i learned what i wanted to know… it’s because i realized that i already knew them from the start (does that mean I am psychic too? hehe!)… what the psychic did was to justify them… which in a way pleased me… plus, listening to the psychic reveal my thoughts and emotions, without even giving him a clue, just amazed me (he did a combination of tarot and saiwali(?) card reading)… all in all, it still boils down to one point: WE CREATE OUR OWN DESTINY. I still do believe in fate though… as one line in Can’t Hardly Wait puts it…

"Fate can only take you so far… Once you’re there, it’s up to you to make it happen." ."

But my favorite line there is:

"There really is such a thing as fate..it only works in a fucked up way sometimes."

I know… sad but true…

"We had something to learn
Now it’s time for the wheel to turn
Grains of sand, one by one
Before you know it, all gone"

I don’t exactly know why things happen the way they do… and why we let it happen… i don’t know what this is telling us… I’m still finding some answers… Maybe we just got caught up in the situation that has presented itself in front of us… and we did what we did because that’s what we felt like doing at the moment… I don’t believe in regrets… I never did… just as I don’t regret what I just did… and i can’t deny the fact that i liked what happened too…  Much more because I shared it with someone whom I’ve grown fond of… who became a special part of me… I guess I wanted it to happen too… why? well, maybe because you made me feel good inside that i lost all my defenses… we were too close for comfort… but despite that, it’s still something precious that will remain with me as time passes by… Yet, we both know that something just doesn’t feel right about it… Life is just so taunting like that… it sucks! i know… but as the cliche goes, things happen for a reason… and whatever the reason is, I know it will be for our better good…

"It’s a strange, sad affair
Sometimes seems like we just don’t care
Don’t waste time feeling hurt
We’ve been through hell together"

We cannot always get what we want… that’s the bitter part of life… however, we can do what we can to get it… or at least try to… but there are just some things that we know are not really meant for us… what we do is jump to take that one chance so that you can say that you had it, even just for once… and that’s what makes life sweet… the memories that you can keep… the memories you can always call your own…

"We awoke from our dream
Things are not always what they seem
Memories linger on
It’s like a sweet, sad, old song"

You are very special… a very special part of my life… a very special friend… and maybe even more than that… but not enough to suffice as the one… no! you can never be the one… superficial as it might seem, i am most content with what we had…

it’s a risk that i took… and i’m glad i did…